Midnight call
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners,
was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone. . .

"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice.
Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning at precisely four forty four a.m.,
Bernard called his neighbor back . . .
"Good morning, Mr. Williams.... Just called to say that I don't *have* a dog."

Funeral
Two blondes stopped in their car to let a funeral pass by.
"Who died?" the first blonde asked.
"I think it was the person in the casket." replied the second blonde.